Wednesday 29 July 2009

Wednesday 29th July 2009

Chemo Cycle 2 Day 10

Hi All,

Still no real news today - leg aches have cleared up, and I've reached the end of my Steroid and Etoposide courses, so it's back to standard maintenance regime as far as the drugs are concerned.

The guy came earlier to pick up the double bass, so that's gone forever and there is a nice big space in the garage and a wad of cash in my pocket. One down, several to go, although I can't see myself being so lucky as to make a profit out of my other sales!

I had a nice new mattress delivered yesterday, and I will be buying an adjustable bed soon - I'm spending so much time in bed these days I may as well have a comfortable environment, and an accessible one if it should ever become difficult to be out of bed (not for a while we hope!)

Overall, I'm still feeling good on the chemo, which has the slight niggling worry that as I am not paying with side effects it might not be working. I try and cast these thoughts from my mind and am focusing on a positive outcome from the next scan.

Weather has been so crap recently though that it is hard to wake up with an energetic bounce - this morning looking out at the torrential rain I did kind of wish I had a couple of months in the Maldives to look forward to. I think we'll wait for the verdict on the 18th August (next oncologist meeting when I think it will be decided if it is worth me having any further chemo cycles) and then I might consider a trip to a beach somewhere :)

Nothing else really - sorry to be dull, but I don't get out much these days :)

Ha ha - no I'm doing fine really. Onwards and upwards!

Col.

Monday 27 July 2009

Monday 27th July 2009

Chemo Cycle 2 day 8

Nothing to report today, just a video for your delectation ...


Sunday 26 July 2009

Sunday 26th July 2009

Chemo Cycle 2 Day 7

Hi All,

This cycle is going in a similar way to the last - a few bouts of sickness due to overeating as per usual, but no nausea and no ulcers.

The leg joint pains are back but less intense than last time, or maybe this is to do with the fact that I've been taking the tramadol at night as a pre-emptive. Otherwise pretty uneventful overall so far.

Spent the day at the party yesterday in lovely weather. Considering all last week was wet, and today was wet, it was an unbelievable window of opportunity and absolute perfect timing.

The new band played our first ever set and we were very well received. We actually never timed our set when rehearsing and it ended up being well over an hour, maybe closer to an hour and a half, so I was absolutely knackered by the end of it. This connected with not getting to bed until 1am and getting up at 9am this morning means that I'm pretty exhausted today and looking forward to a long sleep tonight, but it was a great day and worth it - well done to Colin and Nova for a great day - difficult to congratulate them on their 40th birthdays as one was in April and the other is not for two weeks, but as a symbolic 40th birthday party it was excellent!

Nice also to see some of the neighbours this afternoon for a short while with their gorgeously exuberant labrador puppy, Indie - if only I had a small amount of her energy these days!

That'll do for now - its time for a good sleep - but if I get a chance over the next day or so, I'll post a bit of video of the band if I can (it seems the blog has the ability, I'll just have to work out the technology! :)

See you soon - now going into hibernation for my second "infection risk week" - see you on the other side!

Cheers,

C x

Wednesday 22 July 2009

Wednesday 22nd July 2009

Chemo Cycle 2 Day 3

Boy am I getting bad with these posts!

All going ok with the second cycle so far. I think I am a little more affected by the drugs this time - I've been a little "pale" and lacking in energy for the last couple of days, but I think I'm a bit better today. I'm not as conscious of the steroids kicking in yet, but hopefully I'll be a bit more up for it over the next couple of days.

Because I tolerated the first cycle so well, my oncologist has upped the dose of one of my three chemo drugs - I now have to take double the Etoposide tablets every other day. I've not yet had the results of my chest X-Ray to see if the first cycle has had any noticeable effect, so I'm not sure if the upped dose will make any difference, but we'll see.

Apparently the last cycle will be a good indication of what to expect from this one too, so no mouth ulcers (good thing), but aching leg joints probably starting tonight or tomorrow (bad thing). Doc prescribed me some Tramadol, so she's happy that if it worked last time its fine to use this time, so that means I can start taking it the minute I get the symptoms instead of two or three days in like last time, so hopefully it won't affect my sleep so much this time round.

Good to see Dave W last night on his way back to Edinburgh, but a shame I couldn't join in on the traditional drinking session that his visits usually call for. However, I feel somewhat better than I usually would this morning, so probably no bad thing. I did find out one crap thing last night though - my stomach capacity now means that I can't order enough food from Dominos Pizza to qualify for delivery any more! A small pizza is £5.49 and minimum delivery charge is £7.99. Even with a bottle and a can of coke for Vanda that is still only £7.98 and their systems are not flexible enough to accept that which is irritating! Grrr - Angry from Halifax!

Nice to get a blog comment from another Colin Robb last night - there are not many of us about! I work for a company with nearly half a million employees and I am still the only Colin Robb there, which is great when it comes to finding me in the email list. The number of times I get returned emails from people like "David Smith" with "wrong David Smith" in the title is beyond amusing!

I did come across another Colin Robb once - he was head of one of the Scottish Councils we were selling to several years ago. I hoped that it would mean that we automatically got the business, but they didn't have any money to spend so we were wasting our time. I never actually met the guy but it was nice to know that I wasn't the only one in the world.

There appear to be a couple of others on the net too, but not many, so good to hear from you Col - shame not under better circumstances, we could have met up and had a "Colin Robb party" - a bit sad and lonely with only two of us, but it could have led to gradual world domination! :)

Nothing much but a supermarket trip to look forward to between now and the weekend, but a supermarket trip is a supermarket trip and shouldn't be underestimated! :) First gig with the new band on Saturday - just guesting at a friend's 40th birthday party which I was going to anyway, but a great opportunity to try out the songs we have been learning and see if everyone else likes our choices as much as we do, in case we have to have a rethink - and Fred, the first live outing for the Rick since who knows when! Looking forward to it, although it is going to be outside and the weather is really dodgy at the moment - hopefully we'll get a reprise for the weekend so that July isn't a complete washout - where's this bloody "Barbeque Summer" they promised us??

Enough rambling for now - see you on the other side,

Col.

Sunday 19 July 2009

Sunday 19th July 2009

Chemo Cycle 1 Day 21

Sorry for the lack of posts for a few days - nothing untoward, just kept forgetting to be honest!

Not much to report - double bass sold for 400 quid. I was quite surprised that there were no further bids as the auction closed, but 400 quid is still 250 more than I paid, so no complaints at all!

All ready to start cycle 2 of my chemo tomorrow. I have an appointment with my oncologist at 9.50, then I will have to have another chest X-Ray i guess, then up to the ward for a boring 5-hour IV marathon. better than the 24-hour stint from the chemo back in December, so I can't really complain, but sitting in a chair for that long will be a chore if I can't nab one of the recliners!

Been rehearsing with the band today and watching the golf (still can't believe I have started watching my second least favourite sport, but at least I haven't stooped to watching the cricket yet!) - all quite exciting until the end of normal play, but petered out to an anticlimax in the end. I can't believe the fashion police don't know the way to golf courses - there are some people who seriously need locking up. I've never seen such a large group of badly dressed people in one place at one time - unbelievable!

Baldy heed is ok, if a little cold at times in the weather we are having. Nearly had to put my woolly hat on in bed the other night. And Adrian, you are not going to shake your monkey moniker off that easily my friend! I wish I had a photo to prove my point, but those who were around at the time will surely agree! :)

Anyway, more tomorrow if I get a chance ...

Cheers,

Col.

Wednesday 15 July 2009

Wednesday 15th July 2009

Chemo Cycle 1 Day 17

The deed is done. As promised, some pictures:

Before ...



After ...



Much Later ...


I don't think it's too bad to be honest, and washing my hair is certainly easier now! I'm certainly glad it is Summer though. Last time I did this I was at University and it was November and I lived at "The Wreck" with no central heating. I had to sleep in a woolly hat!

I do remember that I was riding a scooter at the time, and the sensation when I put my helmet on was like an electric shock going through my head. Very odd. In fact I might have to go and put my helmet on again now just to revisit the sensation!

No other developments to speak of so far this week. I'm still a bit lethargic, but that is becoming quite normal now. The odd moment of action followed by long periods of rest.

Double bass auction finishes tomorrow. So far up to 400 quid which is beyond my wildest expectations, and likely to go a bit higher as the auction draws to a close as I have 52 people watching it. All good fun!

That's all for now - enjoy the pictures!

Col


Monday 13 July 2009

Monday 13th July 2009

Chemo Cycle 1 Day 15

Woke up this morning with quite a lot of hair on my pillow, so time for a shave methinks. Unfortunately my clippers have just run out of power, so they are on charge at the moment - I'll probably have to do the deed tomorrow.

Otherwise no developments, and no after effects from the weekend so all is ok.

I'll post some "before and after" pics as soon as I've had a chance to do the shave!

Wish me luck - some people look cool with no hair, and some people (notably Adrian) look like a monkey. Here's hoping for cool!

Cheers,

Col.

Sunday 12 July 2009

Sunday 12th July 2009

Chemo Cycle 1 Day 14

Back home from the wedding and feeling fine. I don't think I picked up anything while I was there so all appears ok.

A great day in beautiful surroundings and the weather held off until it got dark which was an unexpected bonus given the forecast.

I had to have a lie down a couple of times during the day, but I lasted until 11.30pm which wasn't bad, and I even managed a few glasses of wine which was a first for some time. The band played a short 30 minute set and we might have done a bit more if it wasn't for the arrogant and rude hotel owner who complained about the noise (very vocally, and directly to the groom which was disgusting behaviour for someone who has just pocketed a substantial sum of money from the family).

I'm a little tired today and I will have an early night, but it was a good day for all concerned, and I'm just jealous of Dave and Caz who have just jetted off to Thailand for a honeymoon!

I've got a couple of photos to post, but Vanda has just run off with the camera so I'll do them tomorrow.

Should be another quiet week this week. Another blood test on Friday, but otherwise just a recovery week in preparation for Cycle 2 starting a week tomorrow, so that's all for now.

Cheers,

Colin.

Friday 10 July 2009

Friday 10th July 2009

Chemo Cycle 1 Day 12

Blood test today was "fine" whatever that means. I didn't think to ask whether it meant that my blood count was normal or was low but within acceptable tolerances etc. Still, I feel ok so I guess things must be ok.

No other developments really. My double bass on eBay is currently going for £5 more than I paid for it 15 years ago with 5 days still to go, so that's good! Although someone begged me to be allowed to come and see it tonight then never showed. Just as well I didn't have to stay in for him or anything like that. Some people are so rude! :)

Wish me luck for the all-day wedding tomorrow. Hopefully I'll survive, but at least I should have a hotel room to crash out in if I need to.

See you Sunday hopefully!

C

Thursday 9 July 2009

Thursday 9th July 2009

Chemo Cycle 1 Day 11

Good day so far today. Feeling good and none of the lack of energy or sickness etc which might have been expected of the low week.

I finished my course of the Etoposide chemo tablets yesterday, so I am now just on the metoclopramide anti-emetic, the Omeprazole antacid and the Nystan anti-fungal until the next cycle starts.

The saga of my broken laptop has just had a miraculous turnaround as well. Although our IT department (based in Costa Rica I think) told me all sorts of things about a replacement not being possible, and having to travel to Warrington to get it checked etc, the reality was completely different. A third-party service company was contacted who were supposed to call me in three business days, but actually called me the same day. They knew nothing of me having to go to Warrington and offered me a repair service at home without question. They called me this morning and turned up an hour later leaving me with a nicely fixed laptop only two days after the problem occurred. Even I can't find anything to complain about with that service! Very happy.

Thanks JB for the offer of your old laptop - didn't need it in the end! Good luck with your new job by the way!

I've also made a start on the daunting process of having a clear out. I'm a bit of a hoarder, which means that I have a house full of stuff - some valuable, most not - which will have to be disposed of when I'm gone. I am conscious that some of the stuff is very specialised, like guitars etc, so I am starting to think about selling off some of these things in advance to make life easier if and when things take a turn.

I realise that even if I make a good recovery, I will never again need all the guitars I have for example. In the past I have bought new ones and always held onto the old ones even though I never play them any more - just couldn't bear to be parted. I'm now seeing a more practical side, and it's time to thin down the stocks and just keep the ones that I will play going forward. Today was the big first step of putting my old double bass on eBay.

I bought it about 15 years ago to use for busking, but never really got around to it and it's just been taking up space ever since, so I put it up with no reserve just to get shot. Crazy thing is that it has only been up for a couple of hours and it's already over £100. I only paid £150 for it, so I'm already delighted with the price - I would have given it away for free to be honest. With 6 1/2 days to go who knows where it will get to. I could get addicted to this selling malarkey!

Watched Slumdog Millionaire on DVD last night. Very good film in case you haven't seen it yet. Definitely worth a watch.

Finally, did you see Shaheen Jafargholi singing at Michael Jackson's funeral? Awesome! I can't believe he didn't win Britain's Got Talent. Still it is fitting that Susan Boyle hasn't been heard of since, and he has gone on to do this - it shows that true talent rather than tabloid hype always shines through. Good on yer son!

Hospital for blood test tomorrow - mmm needles ... :)

Cheers,

Col x

Tuesday 7 July 2009

Tuesday 7th July 2009

Chemo Cycle 1 Day 9

I had a better night last night, and no further diarrhoea disturbances, so that's a good thing, but I've had another lethargic and unproductive day to be honest.

The weather here has been torrential rain almost all day. I needed to put the lights on around midday, so it's been a thoroughly depressing day on that front.

My laptop blew up this morning (half the screen has gone blank), and typically the replacement process as far as my employer is concerned is ridiculously convoluted and will take weeks. Apparently I can't just order a new one, I have to take it to a company site (nearest one is 50-odd miles away) so that they can verify that it isn't working, before I am allowed to start the re-order process. I can just about do basic things like read email on it if I resize the windows to just half the screen, although the other half of the screen is over-exposed so it's difficult to read anything at all, and I can't do any other kind of work.

Thankfully I am not in the middle of important deadlines or have any presentations to do. That's the trouble with a big company, there is simply no urgency. Everything has to follow a laborious process, no exceptions. The IT team wouldn't care if I had a million dollar presentation to do, it would simply be tough, and losing the business would be preferable to circumventing the process, god forbid! This is what i miss having been taken over by a giant.

Anyway, I'm not going to stress about it, although things like this go in my irritation bank!

The rain knocked my satellite dish out for 30 minutes earlier today as well, so I was really feeling like technology had something against me. That's come back ok now though, so I'm feeling less paranoid!

Nothing else to report today - still feeling ok otherwise!

Cheers,

C

Monday 6 July 2009

Monday 6th July 2009

Chemo Cycle 1 Day 8

Not such a good day today. Nothing serious, but I've not been managing my diarrhoea very well over the last week and it all caught up with me last night.

The problem is when to take the Loperamide tablets. If I take them every day then I just get bunged up, so I try to take one every other day. However, when I was in London I took one each day to make sure I wasn't caught out, and the two days since I got back I had the Tramadol for my aching legs and I think that contributes to constipation too. So having been rather bunged up for too long, I stopped taking the Loperamide and unfortunately my body decided to hit me with 5 bouts of diarrhoea starting at midnight last night and going on through the night.

I've started the Loperamide again to try and regain control, but I'm still feeling a little dodgy and I've been tired and irritable all day as I had such a disturbed night. Hopefully I can get things back in balance tonight and get a better night's sleep.

Apart from this I'm still feeling ok from the chemo - in fact it's fair to say that I've been feeling better since I was on the chemo than I was before it. Unfortunately I think this may be a lot to do with the steroids, so it will be short-lived, but here's hoping.

In the meantime over the last week I've revived my long-standing interest in self-hypnosis as a way of focusing on recovery and relaxation. On and off for the last 20-odd years I've listened to relaxation therapy tapes as a way of relaxing and focusing the mind and have found them very successful. I know I'm a much more relaxed and laid-back person than I was before I learned these techniques, and I've made some personality changes in my life over the years too.

I do have some cancer-related CDs that someone lent me, but to be honest I find them irritating (it is often to do with the tone of voice and accent etc whether a tape works for you or not), so I have gone back to the process of making my own, which started the whole thing off for me years ago.

When I lived down South, I got a book out of the library (that is how long ago we are talking!) which had scripts in it for you to record yourself and I made a couple of recordings as an experiment. The other day, I transcribed one of those old recordings and made some changes to the relaxation section to make it work better for me. Recording your own voice is supposed to work quite well, because your mind hears your own voice instead of someone else and naturally accepts it more for that reason.

I have also replaced the "action" section in the middle - the suggestion section which comes in when you are fully relaxed and talks direct to your subconscious whilst you are in a relaxed "trance". I've added positive affirmations around my cancer treatment to focus my mind on healing etc.

I'm sorry if this sounds a little "alternative" for some, but trust me it works. I am very practical minded, so I have to see a genuine reason why something will or won't work (I get the concept of acupuncture and reflexology for example, but not Reiki or Bach Flower Remedies ...), but your subconscious reacts much better to instruction when it is free from other distractions, so a relaxed state is ideal. I'm not sure this is really "hypnosis", maybe it's more like meditation, but it helps me relax and sleep and hopefully will have a positive effect on my treatment too!

I'm trying to have a 20-minute session about 3 times a day at the moment.

That's all for now,

C.

Sunday 5 July 2009

Sunday 5th July 2009

Chemo Cycle 1 Day 7

First week down and feeling ok still. I've had another good day with reasonable energy and no nausea/sickness. Aching legs seem to have subsided too and I've hardly noticed it today.

Only slight area of change hes been feeling rather fuller for longer after eating. This was a problem whilst I was on the Haloperidol, but the Metoclopramide helps flush the food out quicker and since I switched back to that drug I've had less discomfort. I've just noticed today that the sensation has lasted longer after each meal which is a pain. It means I need to stay sat up for longer to help the food go down, when I'm craving lying down to rest for a bit (if I'm lying down the food doesn't go down and the problem gets worse). Not serious, just a bit annoying.

I've got two more days on reduced dose of the steroids then they stop until the next cycle. I like the feeling of energy they give, so I'm not looking forward to coming off them, but we'll see how it goes. I've also only got three more days of the Etoposide chemo tablet to take before the end of the ten day treatment cycle. After that I will be just down to the Metoclopramide anti-emetic and the Nystan mouth solution that I am having as a preventitive for the possible return of the mouth ulcers.

Still probably a week or two before the Etoposide causes my hair to start coming out. I'll probably shave it off anyway as soon as there is any sign of hairloss, so that I don't have to watch clumps of it drop out.

Good to see Ali and Anne today for a catch up, but now I'm going into hibernation for the next week until the wedding on Saturday so I don't catch any lurgy.

I probably won't post everyday in the meantime unless I have anything specific develop, but we'll see how bored I get in my self-inflicted house-arrest!

Cheers for now,

Col x

Saturday 4 July 2009

Saturday 4th July 2009

Chemo Cycle 1 day 6

Hi All,

I've had an odd day today. I've actually felt really good and quite full of energy, but I've struggled to find any direction to focus that energy. I've actually felt a little like a bored kid most of the day. I spent most of the day feeling like I should be doing something, but nothing I thought of interested me in the slightest - I really haven't felt like that for a long time!

I watched the tennis, nipped out for a Subway and had someone round to collect a load of old books from me, but otherwise I've done nothing useful with my day and I feel a little frustrated.

I didn't sleep well last night due to my aching joints, and eventually got up about 5am and found some Tramadol painkillers which finally did the trick. They also made me drowsy which helped me get a bit of sleep, but I woke up in a bit of a daze which has probably contributed to my odd day.

I'm going to take one now before bed, so hopefully it will allow me better sleep and will wear off before morning, but we'll see what happens. I'm not sure Tramadol is the right thing to be taking for this, but Nurofen and Paracetamol made no difference, and I don't have anything else in. If the aches haven't gone away by Monday I'll get in touch with the GP, but for now it can't hurt.

Let's see what tomorrow brings ...

Cheers,

C x

Friday 3 July 2009

Friday 3rd July 2009

Chemo Cycle 1, Day 5

Hi All,

I'm back from London now - just in time to see Murray lose! Back to form for British tennis then!

I had a good trip - quite relaxing train journeys and a relatively laid back time. A couple of good meetings, then it was fantastic to see so many friends and colleagues in the pub afterwards. I managed to stay for a couple of hours which was pretty good I think - I don't feel any the worse for wear, but it was definitely strange leaving you lot early and sober - I'm not sure that has happened too many times before!

The Ritz experience was fairly bland to be honest. The room was nice without being anything special - there was no "wow factor" at all, just a comfortable room with a nice bathroom etc. Food was pretty good, especially breakfast this morning, but I certainly wouldn't bother with the place again - I'd rather go to a modern contemporary 5* with a few modern comforts. Still, it had to be ticked off the list!

Couple of photos below:



Room entrance "corridor", bathroom on the right


Main room itself. Lot's of antiques and gold leaf, but not really my thing. I've definitely slept in more comfortable beds!

I've been feeling pretty good over the last couple of days. The one side effect which has kicked in is from the Taxol - aching ankles, calfs and knee joints. This is a know side effect and is supposed to clear up after a couple of days. It's made sleeping a little uncomfortable at times over the last two nights, and ibruprofen doesn't seem to work very well, so I'll be glad when it passes, but more of an irritation than a pain to be honest.

Almost no nausea for the last few days, and no sickness at all, so that's been a relief. Main issue is lack of energy and continuing weight loss. This is a little worrying as it is not to do with the cancer really, but is an after-effect of the surgery - my simple inability to get enough food inside myself to sustain a decent weight. As I simply can't tolerate the supplement drinks I'm concerned how far I can go before this gets serious.

I've eaten well today, but at home it is very hard to keep up a selection of appetising food when my taste changes daily, and it is really hard to force myself to eat something I really don't want. If only I could wake up to a hotel breakfast and room service menu every day I could manage the choice much better. At the moment I end up buying so many different things and chucking most of it away when it goes out of date - very frustrating!

Anyway, looking forward to a calm weekend coming up. A couple of visits from friends but nothing too strenuous on the cards. We'll see what next week has to offer as it is the "dip" week of the chemo (week 1 treatment, week 2 dip, week 3 recovery) when my blood count drops and I become more open to infection and tiredness. Unfortunately, timing means that I have Dave's wedding (from the band) next Saturday - just the wrong time for me to be out and about with groups of people. I seriously hope there is no-one there with Swine Flu! Has to be done though, and the band are playing, so I'll probably just try to keep myself to myself a bit.

Anyway, that's it for now,

Love Col x

Wednesday 1 July 2009

Wednesday 1st July 2009

Chemo Cycle 1 day 3

Hi All,

All good so far, not suffering any side effects at all, and the steroids I am on are helping boost my appetite.

I'm managing quite well with the complex drug regime at the moment - I've not forgotten any as yet!

I'm now preparing for my trip to London tomorrow. I'm quite concerned about the heatwave down there at the moment. It's been muggy up here, with occasional sunny outbursts, but it seems a bit full on in London and I'm supposed to be avoiding direct sunlight whilst I'm on the chemo!

main irritation is having to flush the loo twice again, to avoid any toxic incidents - I think it's a little over paranoid (after all, who licks the toilet bowl?) but i suppose I should do as they say!

In fact, don't you get irritated by toilet cleaning adverts? First it was making sure that the bowl was clean, then it became really, really important to clean right under the rim, to stop people who were really determined to get their fingers up there to seek out some lovely germs to suck on! Now, all of a sudden, the germs are able to jump out of the bowl, and we are being convinced that cleaning the toilet bowl and rim with every flush is no longer enough and now we have to make sure we catch the critters in the air as they fly about. It's a wonder we're not all dead - after all, toilets are such ridiculously dangerous places!! :)

May get a chance to post from the mobile tomorrow, otherwise I'll report back on the London trip and the state of the Ritz on Friday or Saturday.

Bye for now!

Colin.